Twinkleveil

its a mystery

2007-01-16T23:17:00.000+08:00

If only someone would tell me what I said or did wrong.

I'm done talking. It didn't make any difference.

I'm still tormented wondering how things turned out the way it did.

Many things don't make sense.

Is it just me?

Or have you not really been honest?

I hate myself for getting so affected.

It's pathetic.

In retrospect, 2006 is probably my worse year ever.

stitch stichy stitcho!

2006-11-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

*sings*
I've got a stitch plushie
I've got a stitch plushie!

Yay! Can put in the car and stare at it everyday! <3 stitch!

my weird post-exam syndromes

2006-11-05T20:47:00.001+08:00

Everytime after a series of exams, I will feel damn lost. It's like for the past few days I've been trying to mug and squeeze in as much info as possible then suddenly I'm free! And being such a last minute person, I tried prepping for the 3 papers I had on fri in two days. So it was hectic mind-wrecking studying for 2 days and then after exams, boom! No need to study! No matter how many times I've been through this, I still feel weird post exam. Like a lost sheep. Meh.

Also right, I love to go cut or trim my hair after exams. I don't know why. It's strangely therapeutic and gratifying. It just feels so good, like cutting hair ties up some kinda loose ends or something, I don't know, haha! Especially after a major exam. I did it everytime, O levels, A levels, Prelims, final term exams, and more! Hahaa I'm so weird. :P

I need to say this to mr-everyone-loves-me: fuck u! I finally see your true colors and what kind of friend u really are. Since you only value certain friendships, I don't see the need to value ours either.

colorgenics

2006-11-05T03:41:00.000+08:00

From Colorgenics:

You are trying to prove to others that nothing can really affect you. You are pretending to be stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure and indeed even superior to any form of weakness. As a result, more often than not, you unfortunately act with undue harshness or severity by adopting an autocratic and self-willed attitude.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.

You are feeling full of uncertainty and worrying over what you consider as missed opportunities. This is causing considerable stress and tension. You feel that there must be more to life than the constant pressures and anxieties - that surely life must hold far more opportunities than that which it has to date presented to you. You sincerely believe that there must be a simpler way to tap life's hidden recourses and should you be able to find that way - you could achieve your hearts desire. It's the not knowing 'how' that is affording you the constant worry. You are constantly probing and seeking - trying to ensure that at all times you are on your guard against missing any opportunity. 'Enough is enough'. You are anxious to avoid further setbacks. You are strenuously trying to make sure that you will not be overlooked and you badly need security.

You are afraid that you may not be able to realise or achieve your hopes and desires and so you insist that people should accept you as you are and appreciate your rights to anything that you aspire to.

Accurate to a certain extent. Especially the parts that are insinuating what an insecure bitch I am at times. Try it too! Click.

My mum abandoned me and went for a holiday. For one whole damn week. This sucks. I'm all alone at home.

of politics and whatnot

2006-10-25T02:19:00.000+08:00

I'm so bloody sleepy, I have yet to finish a writing that is due later at 9am and I need to rant! Gosh, I so hate assignments. This time, I have to write a report to persuade North Korea to change its policies toward six-party talks over nuclear weapons. I can't seem to find enough reasons I think that are good enough to persuade Kim. Its like I'm having a mental block. To think I even considered majoring in political science once, thank goodness it was just a causal thought. I'd die.

Sometimes I'm so confused by the courses I'm taking. This writing, which is on persuasion is for my Communication Theory class. But I'm taking another class, Principles of Persuasion. So shouldn't this writing be for Principles of Persuasion instead? Maybe its because both classes are taught by the same professor.

Blah, I think I'm blabbering nonsense. How come this semester seems to last forever? It's only been 9 weeks but it seems like 4 months already. I just can't wait for holidays. And I'll have 5 weeks of hols this time, woot!

umm, yeah. spring.

2006-10-21T22:28:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I know there is no way it's spring now, but who cares right? We don't get any freaking seasons here anyway. It's just haze hazy hazier, haha! Ok, that was lame.

Anyway, I simply love this layout, don't you guys think it's lovely too? So pretty.

Oh, lazy me decide not to blog much again, so yeah, till the next time! Ciao!

P.S: By the way, sharon, take good care of yourself please, let's all meet and catch up next week!

stitch hunt

2006-10-12T02:57:00.000+08:00

I love stitch so much! I wanted to blog about him but I'm so lazy to blog more right now. I'll blog about him in my next entry! (God knows when, hee)

Please tell me if u know where to find an original disney stitch plushie! I wanna put it in the car. Original ones! Not those weird fake distorted looking ones! Heh, thanks!

forgotten

2006-09-25T01:59:00.000+08:00

I think my memory has gotten from bad to worse. I think it's worse than you and you now. I don't know what's happening to me. I think I need some memory-booster pills or something. I keep forgetting things. It is sad though, that there are some things I try so hard to forget, but can never seem to.

I don't know what came over me lately. I'm feeling really crappy. I'm getting hyper-sensitive and paranoid about stuff. Perhaps I'm going crazy? Or maybe I already am.

Relationships always proves to be tricky for me. It's amazing how inept I am at confronting issues of this nature.

I'm scared. I'm not sure what's happening to me. I thought I've passed (and conquered) this phase. The phase filled with insecurities and straying thoughts during the teenage times. It's like creeping its way back to my life now. It's disgusting and I'm freaking out.

I think I need to get a grip on my own emotions. The problem is, how? Maybe there will be someone to help me with this, if so, will it be you?

(Seriously, don't u guys think I sound vaguely poetic? hehe)

lazy

2006-09-17T22:38:00.000+08:00

I'm so lazy to blog.

And I don't know what to blog about.

I have a sociology test tomorrow and my prof is a bitch from hell.

I hate studying for tests and exams.

I wanna just watch tv and rot at home.

I love to rot.

Hmmm...

Time to start studying, I think.

a very short summer break

2006-08-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

Well, exams are finally over, and I kinda screwed them up again. Anyway, the holidays, one of the things that kept me going, are finally here. Regardless of how short it is, I'm gonna enjoy this holiday, take my well-deserved break and maybe get a new hobby to rescue me from my insipid life. And perhaps, sort out some issues that I should have long ago.

Oh, by the way, isn't my new blogskin cute? I love the winged beetle. ;)

fever

2006-08-04T03:49:00.000+08:00

As much as I'd love to keep this smallville blogskin for a longer time, I'm really not thrilled with its layout. I'll probably chuck this some time later.

Anyway, my lost phone remains lost. I wish the bitch who took my phone will lose her phone too. I know it has been more than a week, but I still can't get over the loss of my phone. It's not just the phone. There are so many personal and confidential details inside. Contacts, photos, schedules, messages, everything. It's like my phone-notebook-PDA-organizer all in one. Guess I really depended too much on it.

I kinda fell sick the past two days. Fever and sore throat. My mom kept pestering me to go see a doc but I didn't want to. I'd usually avoid the doc unless I needed the MC or if it was really serious. I was just being stubborn I guess. I kept popping panadols and the fever would subside after 2 tablets but it'd always come back after a couple of hours. Guess I finally recovered today. God, I really hate having a fever. It sucks so bad. My body was aching so terribly and I literally had no energy to do anything. I slept so much I felt like an invalid. I'm glad it's all over now.

So I actually need to start studying. Three final papers next week. This is one helluva crazy summer sem. And did I mention I hate summer courses? Damn.

my smallville craze

2006-07-30T02:52:00.000+08:00

You guys can probably tell from my new blogskin that I'm very into smallville now. Actually, I've always loved watching smallville, but I hate to be home at a fixed time to watch the telecast on channel 5. And one episode per week isn't exactly enough. So I've been catching up on the missed episodes on DVDs now and I'm more into it than ever. I'm already at season 4 now, with cute Jensen Ackles from Supernatural in it! I think he looks yummier in Smallville, maybe its the hair, haha. DVDs for season 5 aren't released yet, so I'm downloading them off the net now.

I can't wait for the end of september! Smallville's 6th season, second season of supernatural, and season 3 of desperate housewives and grey's anatomy! Woohooo pure bliss for a tv junkie like me, hehe! Still gotta wait till nov for the OC though.

2 more papers down. 3 more final papers in 2 weeks, then we get two pathetic weeks of hols and back to school again. boooo...

Alright. Back to my clark kent now. Later guys!

phone woes

2006-07-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

I've just lost my barely-one-month-old Nokia 6131. I left it in the school toilet before the start of my exam. Then after my exam, it was gone. Called back but the phone was switched off. So it's pretty obvious what happened to it. Yea, this marks the first time I lose a phone.

You know, I've became such a slave to my phone, it's scary. When I realized that my phone was lost, I felt so devastated, so heartbroken, so handicapped and so lost. It was like I lost a limb or something. My mom was pretty pissed, the phone was a birthday present from her.

Anyway I guess I was rather impulsive. I felt so weird without a phone. So I went to the M1 shop in compass point. I contemplated getting the same phone back but eventually decided against it. That's the only nokia flip phone I like. I thought perhaps this is a sign for me to stop using flip phones, something which I faithfully or stubbornly(depending on your perception) insisted on, for the past 5 phones. And since I only want nokia phones, I got the new nokia 3250 for $518. First time I bought a phone without doing any research, hope it's good.

And now guess what? After I bought the phone, I retrieved an anonymous voicemail asking me to go to the finance office on level 5. The voicemail was left at 5 in the evening. And I did lose my phone on the level 5 toilet. I wonder if someone was trying to return me my phone.. But the guy makes no mention of any phone or whatever. What the hell was going on? Hmm well, if I do get my phone back, can I return and get a refund for my new phone? It's not exactly fun spending more than a thousand bucks on phones in less than 60 days.

I have another paper tomorrow and I haven't started on anything. Man, I feel so exasperated now.

this season's essential chick lit

2006-07-17T09:38:00.000+08:00

Just when I declared that I've enough of chick lit and decided to move on to my Jonathan Kellerman, I saw this book in my school's popular.

I just couldn't resist it. So I bought it, and started reading it. Now I'm hooked! Candace Bushnell is the author who wrote Sex and the City. The tv series were great but I never got down to reading the original book. Maybe after Lipstick Jungle. Hmm, but I'm supposed to start on Kellerman...

fishy fishy

2006-07-15T08:19:00.000+08:00

Read it out fast!

Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.

Very lame, but it's fun! Haha!

my inner demons

2006-07-14T15:20:00.000+08:00

I really hate to have to be a drama-mama, to kick up a fuss and overreact. I hate to be paranoid. I hate to show my vulnerabilities and insecurities. I hate to show my oversensitivity. And I hate to cry openly because that shows that I'm weak emotionally.

So I always try my very best to avoid all of these from happening. And I tried too hard to be strong every single time, to convince myself that I will be fine on my own and I won't be affected.

But I realized that things usually happen for a reason. I guess the feeling was so intense for me because I regard them as my closest group of friends.

This incident proves how potent the words from a single sms can be. And the price people pay for making assumptions.

My pride has always been one of my greatest weakness. In past relationships, and now in friendship. It is always a problem and I know it. I also know that one fine day, it will bring me down.

But somehow I can't help but think that this incident may not be so bad after all. Even though I've shown a pretty disoriented side, at least I can say that they've seen the uglier side. On my part, it negated my uncertainties and strengthened the faith I should never have lost.

Everything comes back to my one long-term belief: with human beings, there will always be conflicts.

-deleted-

2006-07-14T05:19:00.000+08:00

sweet friends of mine

2006-07-13T00:39:00.000+08:00

Thanks people for the advance birthday celebrations!

Met up with the girlies from school last friday for a mini-birthday gathering for me and melissa, whose birthday is just one day after me! We had dinner at billy bombers! Woooo, I love the malt shakes there. Though its a tad too sweet, it's still soooo yummy! Hee.

Then met up with vivian and the rest on saturday. Kelvin was uber lame can! He kept trying to trick us that he couldn't make it to taiwan the last minute and actually managed to trick me and cindy. Until now, I still don't really understand why he was trying to trick the girls. Like no link..!? God, why do we have such a lame friend? Anyway, it was also the official-interrogation-day-for-pang. Haha, the girls grounded him for answers about his new girlfriend. We were really happy and excited for him! It seems that the curse we were always talking about the guys of our group is finally broken. So when is mr kelvin yue's turn? Blah, picky guy. :P

Lihui went with me to choose this lovely Guess watch for my bday prezzie! Hee, so pretty! Thanks people!

Just when I found that pang was attached, I got to know that mr ray chia was also attached! Wow! Congrats! So who is the un.... erm I mean lucky girl? Is she one of the freshmen from school!?!? Omg, it's gonna be so cool if she's from school! Hehe, well good news always comes in a package eh? Haha, how see my upcoming birthday brought luck to the guys! Lol! Now while u guys are basking in happiness, I'm getting jealous and envious already. :( Where's mine? Hahaa!

deep down inside

2006-07-09T04:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. It has been more than 3 and a half years already. What is wrong with me? I kept questioning myself, what is it about him that lingers on me for so long? I've tried analyzing it rationally. I concluded that I was attracted to his mannerisms, his way of thinking, his ambitions and his personality. That's probably quite alot. The fact is I know I don't like him anymore and I've gotten over him eons ago but I'm still constantly haunted by the times we spent together. Although it was short, but it is still a very precious part of my memories. There were happy moments, and many sad ones as well. And many of them are still fresh in my mind. Of course, I'm not delusional. I know very well that for him, the times we spent were probably just a small, neligible thing of the past.

But I still consciously go to his blog once every couple of days to read on his updates. I still check his friendster frequently to read about the stuff and pictures he updates. Whenever he smses me, I try to be nonchalant and try not to reply him unnecessarily. I NEVER initate any sms or msn convo. I still avoid the area he stays in, I don't think I even stepped in that area except for one occasion which I didn't have a choice, and I remembered getting into a nervous wreck then. I got affected whenever I saw pictures of him and his girlfriend. I still tear whenever I watch tv that had scenes which reminded me of him. I still keep that starry blue square box containing the stuff related to him.

I wonder if I'll ever recover from this disease. I'd subconsciously start to make comparisons whenever any guy tried to get into my comfort zone (I'm really sorry). Pretty scary, huh? It's unhealthy, I know. I don't want him as a benchmark. He shouldn't be, especially not after I had recently realized that he's not really who I thought he was. Recently, someone in their clique asked me to their outing, which he'd most likely be there too. I declined. I couldn't make it anyway. But most importantly, I didn't want to. I don't want to get myself embroiled in these crap all over again. I don't want to bear hopes anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I am a happy girl now. But I want to erase this benchmark forever. Maybe one day, my guardian angel will appear to remove it for me.

thur @ mos

2006-07-01T03:09:00.000+08:00

Blogging with my lappie at ECP mac now! Haha, I'm at my dear jon's farewall chalet. He's leaving for new york soon. Sobs... we are so gonna miss him. Well, at least he'll be there to show me around when I go over to buffalo at my last sem. But still, we'll be at different cities. Sobs!

Yesterday was the first time I've been to MOS on a thursday. I wasn't really expecting it to be happening since it was a weekday, but I was pretty wrong! The music was fabulous and it was pretty crowded, though some of the crowd were not too cool. Perhaps we were a big group, so the crowd didn't really matter that much to us. We had some encounters with some disgusting people though. Like this uncle who looked like he was in his forties. He kept trying to dance with jacinta and faddy had to rescue her from him so many times. In the end the gross uncle settled for a tranny, lol. Damn pathetic.

The exchange students are going back this weekend, the japs are going back to japan, the americans back to buffalo and some of them are gonna continue traveling around. They've already been to zouk, dbl-O and other pubs, so they wanted MOS before they go. I think they were more than 15 of us at MOS! I haven't had so much fun clubbing for a long long time. The main room was playing R&B and hiphop, and the good thing is that dancefloor was crowded but not to the extent that you can't even move. I danced so much, my legs are kinda sore now, haha.

Two farewell gatherings in two days! Boo.. Oh well, all the best to jon, and the exchange students. :)

heartbroken

2006-06-26T05:13:00.000+08:00

I'm absolutely heartbroken now. Why didn't Van Nistelrooij play? We needed him for the equalizer. 16 yellow cards, 4 red cards, 9 players left on each team in the end. Like what the hell? Beckham and team must be laughing while watching the game.

too much pepper = stones!?

2006-06-25T00:13:00.000+08:00

Went to Mt Alvernia in the afternoon. My grandpa had this operation and removed stones from his bladder. I saw those stones! Very gross. They were saying that he consumed too much pepper. Like way too much. At first we were pretty worried coz he looked really pale and kept complaining he was in terrible pain, but today he looks pretty well after the operation. The doctor says he can be discharged after a couple of days. Thank God.

Um, not much of a life lately because exams are drawing near. But oh, the Oranje is through to the next round! Yay! Next match with Portugal at 3am on monday. Exciting! Praying hard!

some random updates

2006-06-18T23:38:00.000+08:00

Been missing lotsa matches lately. Busy with school and gatherings. I even missed the match of Holland vs Ivory Coast coz I was at jane's 18th birthday party in sentosa. It was pretty fun with all our school people plus the exchange students. Just a pity that rach and mel left so early.

I kinda fell sick and lost my voice. Couldn't make it for the bim's day gathering in the end. Sorry girls. :( Exam next week and 2 more papers the following week. I haven't been studying much. Wish me luck!

the ball is round

2006-06-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

Although I was rooting for the japs, I think the aussies made a really strong comeback during the last 10 mins of the game. I mean, 3 goals in 10 mins?! That was really hot. Just for that, the socceroos deserved the win. Next game, the states vs czech! For the hint of american blood that's running inside of me, I'm praying for the states to upset the predictions.

I've got a stats quiz this thu. How to study? I'm so dead.

Edit: the states lost by 3 goals. I blame Bush. Boooo..

show the men in orange some lovin'

2006-06-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

Still recovering from the aftermath of watching the holland game. This is the first world cup game that really got me excited. I should be watching the next two matches later as well, albeit not as attentive. Anyway, back to the game, Robben had lots of star moments in the first half and the dutch GK saved a few good shots during the second half. So it's Netherlands 1, S&M 0. I'm happy that Holland got their 3 points but I wished they had scored more than just a goal. Hmmm, but maybe I shouldn't be too greedy and just be contented.

Anyway, for those who are curious, no I haven't been betting. I'm not ruling out the possibility, but I'm sure I won't bet when Holland is involved. My uncle, who is an avid soccer fan.. ahem.. I mean gambler, keeps asking me to bet. But for the ones he's betting on, the min bet is $50 and I'm not exactly willing to fork out 50 bucks to bet on soccer. How about 5 bucks, anyone? Hahaha. Anyway, my uncle is giving me a 100 buck coz he won like about 1k so far already. I'm praying that he continues to win more so that I'll benefit from it too, hehe. I'm quite broke now, just got an abercrombie tee online that costed me $40, blew $70 bucks in forever21 and $79 on an Aldo bag. They are all so pretty and irresistible!

Oh, and another thing, for those who aren't interested in the world cup, I'm sorry man. I will be blogging on it pretty often, coz my life is pretty much mundane and everyone in school are talking about world cup. I promise I won't blog entirely on it. Regarding school, I did pretty well for one of the midterm of my communication summer course, COM205 Research Methods. Got an A, 33.1% outta the 35% possible. Yay. Kinda screwed up my MGQ301 stats quiz though, got about 3 careless mistake and got only about 80%, which is like a B-.

is this fated or what?

2006-06-11T05:46:00.000+08:00

I'm god-damn pissed with myself. I've accidentally deleted this blog and lost all of my previous entries! And I didn't have any freaking backup! God I can't believe this! I'm so bloody mad at myself now! Arghhhh!

I was watching the match of Argentina vs Ivory Coast and thinking that since I haven't blogged for some time so I decided to blog during halftime. Then I saw blog not found. And I realized that I accidentally deleted the blog a couple of days ago while attempting to delete another blog and the blog I wanted to delete was still there. My mood was like instantly ruined. When the second half started, my TV was still on but I wasn't paying much attention, only looking up when the commentator raised his voice.

Well, anyway as you may already know, the result was Argentina 2, Ivory Coast 1. Pretty much expected that Argentina would win, but Ivory Coast did put up a rather fierce fight too. I'm more excited to watch Netherlands later in the evening though, they will up against Serbia & Montenegro. I've supported them since I was really young, think way back in 1994. And I'm also looking out for the asian countries like Japan and Korea. Let's hope that they'll all do good yea.

I'm still upset over the loss of my archives. It's like one whole year worth of entries. I know some might think that this is a good chance to start afresh, I tried telling myself that too, but I just don't like this feeling. It's like so dumb. Even if I want to start afresh, I will backup, save my entries somewhere then delete it off the internet and not lose it entirely like that, ya know what I mean? Grrrr.....